One “Word” Focus for 2021
Someone I know picks one word to focus on for the new year. I’ve never done this before, but this year I’m going to try it. The word I’m picking is trust. For the foreseeable future, I’m focusing on trusting myself.
I see how, in the past, my lack of self-trust has caused me problems. One way this comes out in my behavior is as a lack of confidence. It’s taken me a long time to see how these two are connected. I am aware that I am a capable person, but somehow in my mind and heart, I don’t feel it. I discount my abilities and act as if, I’m somehow less than.
For example, I equate my troubles w intimate relationships with a personal inability to make good choices. Since I seem to not do what ‘everyone else is doing’… whatever that is… I am somehow not ‘enough.’ I doubt that I can make adequate decisions based on my looking at only what I don’t do perfectly. This is tiring and unproductive. How I come to be this way is not as interesting or important to me as learning to overcome it.
What I’m Doing
Focusing on my perception of myself. Turn my attention away from my mistakes and objectively look at what I have actually accomplished. Confident people are no different than me except that, I think, they focus more attention on their assets than their deficits. I am learning to see myself as a competent and caring person, who makes good decisions.
This is a choice to trust myself. I acknowledge my flaws and/or opportunities to grow, but I don’t allow them to dictate my level of self confidence.
I have embraced the “trust but verify” approach to other people but I’ve never applied it to myself. I am going to try that. This logic approach to testing who to trust, can work for me and myself. Seems kind of funny. I’ll let you know how it goes.
How This Looks
I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt… the same benefit I extend to others. This means when I am facing a choice, a risk, a decision… I repeat the mantra, “I can trust myself.”
I trust myself to make good decisions, to find resources to help me, to look for what will build my confidence and turn away from people, places and things who don’t support my efforts. This is isn’t easy. Some relationships are important to me and I hesitate to change. The good news is that I can take steps towards changing how and with whom I spend my time. Who I trust with my precious self.
I can trust myself to know who ‘sees’ me and who doesn’t. To keep looking, try everything I can think of, to find people who listen, share and care.
What’s Word Are You Picking?
LauraJanuary 5, 2021
I think my word would be ‘forgiveness’. I’ve learned to be gracious with others as I’ve grown older, but I’ve yet to extend that courtesy to myself. As a result, I have a tendency to be overly harsh whenever I feel I make any transgressions or inconvenience others.
So this year, I want to try to be less hard on myself, and blame myself less for the things that happen in my life. It’s not easy. There are a lot of bad habits to unlearn, and even some I don’t think I can do without the help of a therapist. But I intend to try as best I can.
KatieJanuary 5, 2021
This is really good. I’m in the process, as a 34 year old, of learning this. Thank you!!!
DeborahJanuary 5, 2021
Go Laura, I believe in you.
DeborahJanuary 5, 2021
Yeah Katie, my experience is that it develops in stages. Worth every minute of the effort.
Ian TravisJanuary 15, 2021
My Word would be “love”. There are many ways to love. But mostly i want to learn to appriciate and to finally love myself. I’ve had a rough couple of years behind me, but i think everyone had those at one point in their life. I learned to accept things and mostly not to stress about things that i can’t control. I believe that i can control my feelings though and i believe that happiness is a choice. I simply never chose that path. But i will work on it until i know what the right way of getting it will be. Starting of by stopping being so hard on myself, focusing on myself, my idea of life and loving myself.
(I’m sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, i’m german.)
DeborahJanuary 16, 2021
Guten Tag! thank you for sharing. Your English is fantastic, you write better than many native speakers. (spelling is so hard since there are so many words that aren’t spelled the way they sound.)
I appreciate your choice of words, love. Especially as it applies to loving yourself. I am with you 100% on this,”stop being so hard on myself, focusing on myself, my idea of life and loving myself.” We’re in this together. Thank you so much, Debbie