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Maybe There’s A Reason…

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Don’t Tell Me There’s a Reason For Everything

I know someone who lost a new born. It would have been cruel to tell her, ‘everything happens for a reaon.’ At that moment, there is no ‘reason’ that she shouldn’t be holding her healthy baby in her arms.

I know someone who lost their dear friend to suicide. It would be wrong to tell him, ‘everything happens for a reason.’ There’s no ‘reason’ that young man has lost one of the anchors in his life.

It may be a comfort to me to THINK, everything happens for a reason, but to express that in times of grief, is cruel.

Judgy McJudge Pants

I don’t think of myself as a judgemental person and yet, I can hear myself thinking, “why don’t they snap out of it.” “Why do they have to be so miserable?” “Why do they have to be so selfish?”

Being completely non-judgemental is a desirable but difficult to reach goal. I want people to cut me some slack when I need it, but when it comes to giving the pushy, angry, loud person a break, my patience wears thin.

Sometimes, There is a Reason

I believe that we are each on  a spiritual (not religious) journey through life. The challenges we face, teach us to be better humans. More compassionate, more caring. If we can learn from our trials, maybe we can grow to be the person we are supposed to be.

When I was a kid, my alcoholic parents made my home life chaotic. They weren’t bad people, they were sick. But to me, they were unreliable, selfish and crazy. And I was the one who was stuck cleaning up the mess they made. I grew into an angry, rebellious teenager and an angry, young woman. I got sick of being angry and  I found a way to grapple with my background. I started to grow into the person I wanted to be.

So, if there’s a someone in your life who seems angry, perhaps they have a good reason. I don’t have to put up with someone else’s unacceptable behavior, but maybe I can try to understand. Just a little.

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2 Responses
  • Kelly Robinson
    January 20, 2019

    Understanding is important but also not accepting is equally important. I always understood my Mothers behaviour as a reaction to her life but I can not accept being treated as less than good enough. Spending many years tolerating it but making myself unwell – the distance to only have contact once each year is far better for my health and wellbeing.

  • Deborah
    January 23, 2019

    Kelly, I’m sorry to hear that you had that kind of mother. I had that kind too. A narcissist alcoholic, she was incapable of giving me the love I deserved. Like you, I tolerated it for many years and it made me unwell also. It has taken me years to slowly recover. I’m happy you found a way to cope with the situation. I wish only good things for you in the future.

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