“make yourself a door through which
to be hospitable, even to the stranger in you” David Whyte
It’s So Much Work!
Understanding myself is, intellectually, good. But the reality is, it sucks.
If I’m going to be self-aware; I need to look at my problems and think, “what part of this belongs to me? what could I change in myself that would improve the situation?”
It’s so much easier to just blame someone else. If s/he would only do this or that, we wouldn’t even have a problem! The reality is that, with most problems, I have some part in maintaining the status quo.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Hey wait, I didn’t do anything! That jerk did x and y and said z. That’s not my fault!” There are some cases where that is true, but there are other cases where:
- I want to be right
- I want to be ‘superior’ to someone else (morally, intellectually, etc.)
- This person’s behavior is ‘incorrect’ and I need to ‘correct’ it
An Once of Prevention…
When I keep having the same problems over and over, one solution/approach is to understand how I contribute. I ask myself… ‘what am I getting from this?’ ‘what’s in it for me?’
When I examine my part in the problem, it’s usually based on fear. And usually, I don’t want to admit I’m afraid. Sometimes, the fear comes out as anger. Sometimes it comes out as sadness. In either case, I usually don’t understand what’s going in inside me.
Whatever the feelings, when I know myself better, I can change. My experience is that when I change, I’m happier and I get ‘unstuck.’
It sucks but that’s the way it is for me. You?
Image credit: Savage Chickens