When I allow someone to get under my skin, to drive me crazy, I am giving them a big chunk of the space in my brain and a lot of my energy. Sometimes, the person and/or topic is really important and I need to spend time thinking it through. Understanding my part in the situation, deciding what I can and want to do.
But sometimes, I just want my way or I believe I’m right and think the other person should just do what I want.
They Live Rent Free, In My Head
Sometimes I think obsessively. I run through the same thing over and over; what if this happens, what if that happens, how could he/she do… think… be so… and on and on.
If I think of my mind as precious space, then why would I turn over a big chunk of the time and energy to something so draining or even self-destructive? It doesn’t hurt the other person at all. It only hurts me because I’m just spinning around and around, with no useful purpose.
Teaching Someone a Lesson is Often Overrated
Think back to the most recent time you let someone live ‘rent free’ in your head. Are you holding a grudge? How long have you been snuggling up to it? There must be something in it for you if you’ve kept it for so long. Maybe you need to change your point of view, your thinking, or your behavior. Bottom line: the other person doesn’t suffer when we obsess over what they’ve said or done. We do.
Replacing The Negative
This is, of course, the tricky part. Here are things that I try to:
- be in this moment. Right now you are reading this. Check your breathing, your posture.
- check to see how I feel. Am I angry, tired, hungry? If yes, then I can take care of that, right now.
- talk to someone. This is the hardest for me. I think I’m supposed to handle everything by myself. This is wrong. Try talking to someone. it works.
- get help from a professional.
- be aware of what you are saying to yourself. Don’t judge it, just become aware. Is it positive or negative? Is it “coulda, shoulda, woulda? If only I’d… learn to recognize it and replace it with…
- positive affirmations… The power of Positive Affirmations
Image credit: Words to Think About
SoCal Seeker
October 26, 2017A great reminder to let go of the rent-free squatters in my head. I don’t even want to shift my obsessive thinking about the unwanted tenants to spinning multiple threads of why I’m doing it, what must I be getting from it, what should I learn from it. Instead, your idea of Replacing The Negative sounds much more healing: become aware when the destructive self-talk begins, let go of judging, BREATHE and spend a few moments immersed in positive affirmations. I can transform my mind from a squatter’s den to a sanctuary of serenity, thought by thought, one day at a time. Thank you for the inspiration!